ever seeking a right-fit life
Six years ago, I was diagnosed with a condition I had never heard of, despite living in the epicenter of fungal respiratory chaos. Three years ago, I learned that the infection had disseminated to the soft tissues of my leg, hiding behind my patella, clinging to my shins, and padding the soles of my feet.... Continue Reading →
Lately, I've been feeling a bit down. We're re-watching Seinfeld because it's the obvious choice when we can't decide what to watch. With each episode, I find myself verifying, "We've seen this before?" Several seasons in, I am realizing that I have absolutely no recollection of any of the content. It seems that I mentally... Continue Reading →
It's been quite awhile. How have you been? I hope you're doing well, or at least as well as can be expected with the current state of the world. Five years ago, I left Easter brunch early. After seeing my ghastly complexion and hearing my wet, hacking cough, my family suggested I go to the... Continue Reading →
Last night, my boyfriend brought up a shocking internet prank where someone finds an adversary's address through their IP address and the places a call to the police departments pretending to be said adversary. The local S.W.A.T. team swarms an innocent victim's home, led to believe that the individual is armed and dangerous. The in-game... Continue Reading →
Four years ago this month, I was forced to spend a full month in bed while assaulted by a vicious cough, painful aches and terrifying hallucinations. I lost 16% of my body weight and gained a permanent scar on my lung. I was told it sometimes takes years to fully recover, so I practiced patience... Continue Reading →
In December of 2017, my body begin falling apart. My physical fitness regressed substantially after two years of resistance training progress. I woke up tired and yawned constantly throughout the day, deeply offending friends and family. I struggled to stay alert at work and in conversations, and my acute sensitivity to caffeine slowly dissipated. I... Continue Reading →
Last week, my integrative physician recommended several new supplements to remedy nutritional and physiological deficiencies. I pulled out my wallet and said, "Take my money!" because, right now, it feels like the most empowering thing I can do for my health. Along with addition of glutathione (protects cell mitochondria by eliminating free radicals) and calcium... Continue Reading →
I'm the person who gets misty eyed in nature documentaries when the predator captures its prey. The shark eats the penguin, who eats small fish, who in turn eat the algae. When the shark dies, its body will decay and its nutrients will be adsorbed by the algae. It's horrific and devastating, and it's, quite... Continue Reading →
Last week was relatively uneventful, that is until I started compiling medical records for my new Integrative Doctor. My goodness, there are a lot. My father-in-law, a retired radiologist, reviewed my PET-CT scan back in September and didn't see anything noteworthy. My vital organs were good. Thus, when I received the radiology/oncology report back, I... Continue Reading →
Last week, I was browsing research articles on NCBI and NIH using the key terms dropped at my most recent medical appointments. I began by searching for "mitochondrial dysfunction" and "maximal oxygen consumption deficit," and then quickly descended ever-deeper into the rabbit hole. I ended my search on a book excerpt that has stuck with... Continue Reading →
The local hospital just called to schedule my PET/CT scan. On Friday, I'll have a bit of gallium pumped into my system and then spend three hours strapped down while a machine searches my entrails for biochemical anomalies. Since this is a nuclear radiology procedure, I will need to wait patiently for the results like anyone... Continue Reading →
Lately, I've been thinking quite a bit about blame and about responsibility. What does it mean to take full responsibility for your life? How can I let go of past mistakes and focus solely on moving forward? The last several years have been filled with guilt, shame, and self-blame. The monthly visits to my family... Continue Reading →
I've been feeling discombobulated lately. Restless, frustrated, a little bit lonely, and unable to focus. The feeling is subtle, yet intrusive and pervasive to the point of debilitation. I begin each morning with the same routine. I take my blood pressure while reading the day's entry from The Daily Stoic, journal whilst sipping on perfectly milky... Continue Reading →
Yesterday, I received a call just moments before 5pm. An infectious disease doctor at a local hospital wanted to see to me. The medical assistant asked, "Can you come in tomorrow at 8am?" I did not hesitate for a moment in my response. I arrived and the doctor asked me to go over the entire... Continue Reading →
The most challenging part of my illness is not the hair loss, skin ulcers, or constant nausea. I'm starting to come to terms with the swollen joints and the forced sabbatical from lifting, hiking and cardio. I'm okay with the fact that I'll be on heavy-duty medication for at least ten more months and, quite possibly,... Continue Reading →
existential ergonomics 
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