ever seeking a right-fit life
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" Mary Oliver Every now and then, I like to drop into chronic fatigue forums. I think it's an exercise in recognizing how far I've come, practicing empathy for those still suffering, and a chance to identify new research into... Continue Reading →
In 2015, I developed a fungal-bacterial lung infection that triggered a cascade of other health issues that impacted every organ system. After four years of being told it's all in my head, I was diagnosed with my first set of autoimmune conditions in 2019. Over the next four years, I would add a dozen more... Continue Reading →
Looking back over the last few months of posting, there has been an excessive amount of heaviness and uncertainty. See here, here, and here. The future is bright, but I keep looking into the rear view mirror at the abysmal black hole I'm leaving behind. I believe, wholeheartedly, that good things are coming my way.... Continue Reading →
Three weeks ago, I had to leave my home due to a terrible mold infestation and worsening symptoms. A lot has happened in that time and I have access to a computer for just a bit, so I'm eager to jot it down. In January, our doctor and two third-party environmental testing companies informed us... Continue Reading →
Earlier this year, we received a final report stating that "re-occupancy is ill-advised." The thing is, we never left our home. We had recently tested for mold spores, which we later learned stemmed from damage that occurred prior to installing a new roof in 2014, seven years earlier. I believe that biotoxin illness is the... Continue Reading →
Six years ago, I was a high-functioning and successful Type A personality who had seemingly achieved success in all areas of life. I was an overpaid department head who excelled at my work. I had a fit an athletic body and loved teaching others how to achieve the most challenging poses in yoga. I had... Continue Reading →
The last two weeks have been perpetual progression of fear, mundanity, loneliness, and momentary bursts of nervous joy. Quite frankly, I'm exhausted. I wake up with the sun each morning and then anxiously wait half the day for a good morning text from across the house. Covid symptoms are neither linear nor predictable. My better... Continue Reading →
Lately, I've been feeling a bit down. We're re-watching Seinfeld because it's the obvious choice when we can't decide what to watch. With each episode, I find myself verifying, "We've seen this before?" Several seasons in, I am realizing that I have absolutely no recollection of any of the content. It seems that I mentally... Continue Reading →
It's been quite awhile. How have you been? I hope you're doing well, or at least as well as can be expected with the current state of the world. Five years ago, I left Easter brunch early. After seeing my ghastly complexion and hearing my wet, hacking cough, my family suggested I go to the... Continue Reading →
Yesterday, I didn't experience any soreness in my legs all. I ascended a flight of stairs at work, as usual. I enjoyed a two mile evening walk, as usual. But one thing was notably different. I didn't stop once to rest my legs. For the first time in over 20 months, I walked further than... Continue Reading →
I just learned that September is self-care awareness month, and I'm taking it as a sign that it's time for to focus wholeheartedly on loving and caring for my body. Self-care is important for everyone, but I think it's especially beneficial for those navigating their ways through chronic illness, a difficult time, or even and... Continue Reading →
The most challenging part of my illness is not the hair loss, skin ulcers, or constant nausea. I'm starting to come to terms with the swollen joints and the forced sabbatical from lifting, hiking and cardio. I'm okay with the fact that I'll be on heavy-duty medication for at least ten more months and, quite possibly,... Continue Reading →
I spent thirty minutes talking with my infectious disease doctor and nurse practitioner this morning. How am I progressing (or not)? What are my prospects? How does my recovery compare to similar cases? Would a different diet, more sleep, or alternative medicine help? "I don't expect you to get worse," she offered. "Gradually, over the... Continue Reading →
Lightly child, lightly. I have been repeating Aldous Huxley's words over and over in my head for days. It's become my mantra, a reminder that it's okay to lay low and go slow. Entering month five of treatment, my lab work has remained stable as my physical condition has declined. At time of posting, I'm... Continue Reading →
How do you to live life to the fullest when your health limits everything you do? How do you cope with waiting for some relief when, in reality, there's no reprieve in sight? There are no easy answers to these questions. The mounting unknowns become overwhelming as symptoms worsen in spite of rest, medication, and... Continue Reading →
existential ergonomics 
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