How To Identify a Serial Killer

The other day, my boyfriend returned from his chiropractor appointment and announced that Dr. K agrees that M must be a serial killer. Let me back up. M is my sister's boyfriend. They've been together for about three years now, though living across the country during the pandemic has meant we don't see them much.... Continue Reading →

The Tale Of A Burgeoning Chocoholic

I was a curious child. I also loved sweets. Around age five, while snooping through my parents closet looking for our Siamese cat, Princess, I discovered a bag of Halloween candy. My parents didn't keep candy in the house and we were only allowed to consume "added sugar" on holidays and at birthday parties, so... Continue Reading →

A Homeless Brothel For Jesus

Okay, so this satire. But please tell me I'm not the crazy one. Two years ago, my aunt passed away suddenly. A fall led to scans, which led the discovery of stage 4 brain cancer. And she was gone within a month. She had been married to her husband for fifty years. When she passed,... Continue Reading →

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

Every day, my boyfriend and I take his parent's dog out of a walk. She's a fickle German Shepard who minds her master, and nobody else. She'll mosey along and suddenly double-back to check some pee mail left by the neighborhood dogs, nearly ripping my arm out of its socket in the process Yesterday started... Continue Reading →

The Best Gift of All

Money has been tight lately. Though, I suppose it always has been. There was a rather smooth transition from broke college student to underpaid college graduate to chronically ill working professional. When my income rose, treatment options expanded and good health has always been the light at the end of tunnel. While I'm fortunate to... Continue Reading →

A Tale Of Two Kittens (And One Angry Cat)

Earlier this year, one of my parents' two cats was diagnosed with lung cancer and soon passed. Our sleek grey boy left behind his litter-mate, a chunky 12-year-old orange tabby. After a decade of feline companionship and sibling rivalry, the lone cat seemed like he could use a friend. My parents talked about eventually getting... Continue Reading →

Et Tu, Umor?

Is it just me, or does it seem like everyone has lost their sense of humor these last several years? People are so easily offended by innocently incorrect pronouns, American flags, vaccine status, school choice, vocal politicians, and perceived inequity. It's exhausting. And those offended never seem willing to engage in discussion to untangle the... Continue Reading →

The Rash On My Leg Is Just Fine, Kid

When was the first time you had an experience and walked away thinking, oh my goodness, I am so old? After years of making comments about "young people today," I think I just crossed the chasm between young woman and mature lady. For the last several years, my immune system has been going haywire. I'm... Continue Reading →

Pot Roast Hell

For the last two weeks, I have been smelling pot roast. Every morning, I sit down in my home office and am overcome by the smell of cooking meat. The first time it happened, I assumed someone was cooking in the kitchen. When I walked down, the counters were clear and the oven was empty.... Continue Reading →

Yes, Library Porn… Again

Well, a few months ago, I received notice that my local library was opening back up and would be offering curbside pickup. Score! I began excitedly placing requests in the online system, none of which were ever fulfilled. I finally tapped into the old folks' skill of picking up the damn phone. Despite a full... Continue Reading →

Don’t Feed The Wildlife

Two weeks ago, our garden began blooming. Then, one week ago, the green foliage began to recede. Today, it fully disappeared. And today, I finally discovered why. As I walked past the window overlooking the patio, I noticed a flash of movement. On closer inspection, I saw a small squirrel nibbling on a nasturtium leaf... Continue Reading →

The Costco Mask Fiasco

After six months of donning a P100 respirator, chemistry googles and nitrile gloves in public, my boyfriend recently mused as to why--of all the verbal assault we had heard about--none had been directed at the most cautious person around. Yesterday afternoon, I received a text stating "It finally happened" and I knew exactly what it... Continue Reading →

This Is Either Going to End in Marriage or Arson

This is the true story of Eric, a rather ordinary 40-year-old college professor who believes that mozzarella sticks constitute a balanced meal, women are more mysterious than the elusive giant squid and chain smoking over games of nightmare chess is the best way to spend an evening. Last night, Eric deviated from his normal routine. Rather... Continue Reading →

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