The Absence of Color

Two days ago, my boyfriend swerved suddenly while driving on the freeway. My head snapped to the right to assess what had just happened. I saw other cars merging away from a black Escalade as the driver rested his elbow on the open window, pointing and lifting. I could have sworn I saw his lips... Continue Reading →

Radioactive Retort

The local hospital just called to schedule my PET/CT scan. On Friday, I'll have a bit of gallium pumped into my system and then spend three hours strapped down while a machine searches my entrails for biochemical anomalies. Since this is a nuclear radiology procedure, I will need to wait patiently for the results like anyone... Continue Reading →

When Everything And Nothing Changes

I've been feeling discombobulated lately. Restless, frustrated, a little bit lonely, and unable to focus. The feeling is subtle, yet intrusive and pervasive to the point of debilitation. I begin each morning with the same routine. I take my blood pressure while reading the day's entry from The Daily Stoic, journal whilst sipping on perfectly milky... Continue Reading →

Braving The Treacherous Forest of Disappointment

I just received a call from my infectious disease doctor. "Your numbers haven't budged. You have a lumbar puncture scheduled this week, right?" My latest lab results just came in and despite four months of heavy-duty medication, excessive amounts of sleep, and supplemental eastern medicine treatment, the infection plaguing my body is not responding to... Continue Reading →

The Truth About Heroes & Warriors

During my first semester of college, I had a wonderful English professor who introduced me to some of my favorite thinkers and helped me change the way I see, analyze, and interpret the world around me. My final paper in that course was titled "Perception, Reality, and the True Source of the Shadows", taking together... Continue Reading →

A Conversation With Fear

We all experience fear at some point in life, but rarely stop to question the purpose and validity of that fear. The final module of Elizabeth Gilbert's online course, What is Creative Living? involves doing just this. Over the last several years, I've seen countless books, blogs, and podcast episodes that claim to offer tools to become fearless.... Continue Reading →

True Security is Peace

In yoga, teachers often speak of non-attachment, encouraging students to embrace a mindset of contentment. When things go wrong--as they always do--we are told to sit back and observe our feelings, watching them float past without judgement. The same practice is advised for celebratory occasions to which we may cling: observe any thoughts and allow... Continue Reading →

Cancer And The Threat Of Mortality

My cousin passed away twelve days after celebrating his 30th birthday, exactly one year after he was diagnosed with cancer. During those 365 days, his eyebrows fell out and his muscles melted away to reveal a wiry frame. The doctors removed his right arm--the home base--but the malignant army had already invaded every continent of... Continue Reading →

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