Anti-Fungal Treatment Update – Week 3

I started the itraconazle for my systemic mycotoxin poisoning on May 12th. It's been three weeks. Not much has changed... yet. Mostly, I am exceptionally tired. Compared to the debilitating fatigue I experienced form late-2017 to late-2021, this is a cakewalk, yet still frustrating. I've been experiencing tiny blips of old mold symptoms and the... Continue Reading →

The Loss of a Best Friend

"You've become a shell of the person you used to be." The words stung as they spilled from my best friend's mouth. They were the last words she ever said to me. The year was 2018 and, in retrospect, the worst year of my illness. I had recently left her bachelorette party around sunset because... Continue Reading →

43 Things I Tried That Didn’t Cure Me

After over eight years of chronic illness, and almost as many trying every remedy under the sun, I suspect that my recovery may be just around the corner. I shouldn't get my hopes up, but I can't help it. I'm feeling giddy with anticipation. After a few dozen phone calls to various pharmacies, I discovered... Continue Reading →

Impaired, But Not Helpless

Ambition is when you expect yourself to close the gap between what you have and what you want. Entitlement in when you expect others to close the gap between what you have and what you want. James Clear It took me about three years of being sick to acknowledge that something was wrong. From that... Continue Reading →

Good Things Are Brewing

For the next two weeks, I'll be running on all cylinders. Since January, my health has taken a dip, so my energy reserves are already a bit depleted. My organization will be hosting an audit and I'm the site coordinator, meaning I'll be on-call from 5AM to 2PM my time for 10 business days straight.... Continue Reading →

Too Close to the Sun

A few years into my mysterious illness, several doctors insisted that increasing my exercise would help. At the time, I was attending studio yoga six days a week. Hmm. Clearly, that wasn't enough. So, what did I do? I joined a bodybuilding gym and hired a personal trainer. Oh, but that's not all. I also... Continue Reading →

When Rest Just Isn’t Enough

Are you tired of feeling tired all the time, no matter how much rest you get? Chronic fatigue syndrome, or CFS, might be the culprit. It is estimated that approximately 2.5 million Americans suffer from CFS, and women are diagnosed with the condition at two to four times the rate of men. With the recent... Continue Reading →

Seasons of Creativity

In early-2019, I found myself sitting on the floor in the hallway. I had been walking to the fireplace to burn the novel I had begun before I got sick, but my legs had given out. Again. Unable to move, I dropped the 3-inch binder. It contained my story with its edits, character profiles, phrases... Continue Reading →

Our Home’s Dirty Little Secret

After eight months of asking for our third-party mold testing results, the HOA finally provided us the file. Twenty holes were drilled in the drywall for air cavity sampling. Five were significantly elevated and two contained the spooky "toxic black mold." Behind the drywall, our home was hiding a dirty little secret. Per the comments... Continue Reading →

Raze And Rebuild

I'm currently reading Meghan O'Rourke's The Invisible Kingdom: Reimagining Chronic Illness. After spending close to a decade occupying that place she so poignantly describes, her account is painful, validating, and cathartic. She, too, was disbelieved by doctors. She, too, was told her labs were normal. She, too, felt the need to cherry-pick all but the... Continue Reading →

Why Not Me?

Why would a loving God create a world full of pain? I first found myself asking this question in 2014 when my cousin and my little sister's best friend (who was basically my second little sister) both passed away from cancer within a 24-hour period. Both had been diagnosed less that one year prior, and... Continue Reading →

The Good Hours Are Not Guaranteed

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" Mary Oliver Every now and then, I like to drop into chronic fatigue forums. I think it's an exercise in recognizing how far I've come, practicing empathy for those still suffering, and a chance to identify new research into... Continue Reading →

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