ever seeking a right-fit life
For the last three years, I've been hunkered down at home. My immune system was on the fritz, and we only recently discovered why. Now that the pandemic has mostly burned itself out and my immune system has re-calibrated, I've been visiting the library again. At my last visit, I noticed an intriguing book on... Continue Reading →
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" Mary Oliver Every now and then, I like to drop into chronic fatigue forums. I think it's an exercise in recognizing how far I've come, practicing empathy for those still suffering, and a chance to identify new research into... Continue Reading →
In 2015, I developed a fungal-bacterial lung infection that triggered a cascade of other health issues that impacted every organ system. After four years of being told it's all in my head, I was diagnosed with my first set of autoimmune conditions in 2019. Over the next four years, I would add a dozen more... Continue Reading →
Several years ago, I switched to from Gmail to to a new email service. A decade earlier, I had deleted all of my social media accounts, but Gmail was trickier because that email address was linked to so many accounts and so many people. Gradually, I've nudged family and friends to use the new domain.... Continue Reading →
When facing chronic illness, so many things fall by the wayside. The once perfectly manicured garden grows wild and the chain link fence rusts away to nothing. The scarlet cannas spread like wildfire and the footpath pavers crumble. And yet, there is a beauty in the wildness. There is charm in the disrepair. There is... Continue Reading →
When we first met, my boyfriend and his friends teased me relentlessly. You don't have baby fever, huh? Just you wait! Bets were placed. Twenty-five, twenty-eight, thirty. Just. You. Wait. I passed all those milestones with a shrug and a nonchalant "maybe someday." We would make for great parents. We would enjoy teaching a tiny... Continue Reading →
Today, I woke up with blocked meibomian glands. Meibomian glands are lipid glands along the rims of the eyelid inside the tarsal plate, which produce an oily substance to prevent the evaporation of tears. Mine are selectively operational. The fatty substance blocks the exit, creating small cysts, leaving my eyes red and dry. This is... Continue Reading →
When we watch people make small choices, like snacking on some carrots instead of a candy bar, the difference of a few hundred calories doesn't seem to matter much. In the moment, that's true. However, as days turn to weeks and weeks to months and months to years, those tiny habitual choices compound. The same... Continue Reading →
In my early-twenties, I would spend each December crafting a long list of goals for the coming year. At a bare minimum, it involved performing 100 random acts of kindness, reading 52 books, trying 26 new recipes, and learning 3 new skills. It was my resolution, each year, to keep learning and continue growing. At... Continue Reading →
On a recent trip to the grocery store, I heard a strange creak each time we rolled to a stop. I looked back, turned to my boyfriend and asked, "What's in the truck?" I knew there is a spare tire, a box of old computer parts for the electronics recycle, and two P-100 masks and... Continue Reading →
Fifteen years ago, my boyfriend died. He had been running a fever, but didn't have health insurance. His father, a physician, advised him not to go to the hospital, so my boyfriend and his then-girlfriend waited three days, until he fell unconscious, to seek help. An infection had spread to his brain, they soon learned.... Continue Reading →
Looking back over the last few months of posting, there has been an excessive amount of heaviness and uncertainty. See here, here, and here. The future is bright, but I keep looking into the rear view mirror at the abysmal black hole I'm leaving behind. I believe, wholeheartedly, that good things are coming my way.... Continue Reading →
One of chronic illness and pain's most powerful weapons is the sense of helplessness that the patient often feels in controlling their disability and discomfort. Aside from the most obvious answer of finding effective medical care, I think the most important things are to have a positive outlook, aim to feel productive, and be as... Continue Reading →
For the past decade, my life has been tumbling through the clothes dryer. Up and down, around and around. With chronic illness, the days, months, and years bleed together. You're continually moving, yet keep ending up in the same place. This year, the heavy cloud of illness finally took its leave. For the first time... Continue Reading →
This week, we learned that we will likely be losing our home. Well, it's not quite that simple. Our HOA sent a third-party mold tester to our home last week. We sent him inside to do his thing and waited patiently outside in the 118° heat. He drilled dozens of holes in the drywall, took... Continue Reading →
existential ergonomics 
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