ever seeking a right-fit life
I started the itraconazle for my systemic mycotoxin poisoning on May 12th. It's been three weeks. Not much has changed... yet. Mostly, I am exceptionally tired. Compared to the debilitating fatigue I experienced form late-2017 to late-2021, this is a cakewalk, yet still frustrating. I've been experiencing tiny blips of old mold symptoms and the... Continue Reading →
"You've become a shell of the person you used to be." The words stung as they spilled from my best friend's mouth. They were the last words she ever said to me. The year was 2018 and, in retrospect, the worst year of my illness. I had recently left her bachelorette party around sunset because... Continue Reading →
After over eight years of chronic illness, and almost as many trying every remedy under the sun, I suspect that my recovery may be just around the corner. I shouldn't get my hopes up, but I can't help it. I'm feeling giddy with anticipation. After a few dozen phone calls to various pharmacies, I discovered... Continue Reading →
Ambition is when you expect yourself to close the gap between what you have and what you want. Entitlement in when you expect others to close the gap between what you have and what you want. James Clear It took me about three years of being sick to acknowledge that something was wrong. From that... Continue Reading →
For the next two weeks, I'll be running on all cylinders. Since January, my health has taken a dip, so my energy reserves are already a bit depleted. My organization will be hosting an audit and I'm the site coordinator, meaning I'll be on-call from 5AM to 2PM my time for 10 business days straight.... Continue Reading →
A few years into my mysterious illness, several doctors insisted that increasing my exercise would help. At the time, I was attending studio yoga six days a week. Hmm. Clearly, that wasn't enough. So, what did I do? I joined a bodybuilding gym and hired a personal trainer. Oh, but that's not all. I also... Continue Reading →
Are you tired of feeling tired all the time, no matter how much rest you get? Chronic fatigue syndrome, or CFS, might be the culprit. It is estimated that approximately 2.5 million Americans suffer from CFS, and women are diagnosed with the condition at two to four times the rate of men. With the recent... Continue Reading →
In early-2019, I found myself sitting on the floor in the hallway. I had been walking to the fireplace to burn the novel I had begun before I got sick, but my legs had given out. Again. Unable to move, I dropped the 3-inch binder. It contained my story with its edits, character profiles, phrases... Continue Reading →
After eight months of asking for our third-party mold testing results, the HOA finally provided us the file. Twenty holes were drilled in the drywall for air cavity sampling. Five were significantly elevated and two contained the spooky "toxic black mold." Behind the drywall, our home was hiding a dirty little secret. Per the comments... Continue Reading →
For those readers with myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS), mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS), long COVID, autoimmune conditions, or any other form of immune regulation, I just discovered a great article that I want to share. Long COVID: From last days to real hope… After many years of trying to make sense of my health,... Continue Reading →
I'm currently reading Meghan O'Rourke's The Invisible Kingdom: Reimagining Chronic Illness. After spending close to a decade occupying that place she so poignantly describes, her account is painful, validating, and cathartic. She, too, was disbelieved by doctors. She, too, was told her labs were normal. She, too, felt the need to cherry-pick all but the... Continue Reading →
Why would a loving God create a world full of pain? I first found myself asking this question in 2014 when my cousin and my little sister's best friend (who was basically my second little sister) both passed away from cancer within a 24-hour period. Both had been diagnosed less that one year prior, and... Continue Reading →
For the last three years, I've been hunkered down at home. My immune system was on the fritz, and we only recently discovered why. Now that the pandemic has mostly burned itself out and my immune system has re-calibrated, I've been visiting the library again. At my last visit, I noticed an intriguing book on... Continue Reading →
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" Mary Oliver Every now and then, I like to drop into chronic fatigue forums. I think it's an exercise in recognizing how far I've come, practicing empathy for those still suffering, and a chance to identify new research into... Continue Reading →
In 2015, I developed a fungal-bacterial lung infection that triggered a cascade of other health issues that impacted every organ system. After four years of being told it's all in my head, I was diagnosed with my first set of autoimmune conditions in 2019. Over the next four years, I would add a dozen more... Continue Reading →
existential ergonomics 
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