ever seeking a right-fit life
On a recent trip to the grocery store, I heard a strange creak each time we rolled to a stop. I looked back, turned to my boyfriend and asked, "What's in the truck?" I knew there is a spare tire, a box of old computer parts for the electronics recycle, and two P-100 masks and... Continue Reading →
For the past decade, my life has been tumbling through the clothes dryer. Up and down, around and around. With chronic illness, the days, months, and years bleed together. You're continually moving, yet keep ending up in the same place. This year, the heavy cloud of illness finally took its leave. For the first time... Continue Reading →
When was the first time you had an experience and walked away thinking, oh my goodness, I am so old? After years of making comments about "young people today," I think I just crossed the chasm between young woman and mature lady. For the last several years, my immune system has been going haywire. I'm... Continue Reading →
The other night, my boyfriend attended the community homeowner's association meeting. An older gentleman approached him at the end of the meeting and said, "This is the best HOA board I have ever seen. Thank you." During my boyfriend's 18 years of ownership (and my 7 years of residence), the HOA has been nothing short... Continue Reading →
Three weeks ago, my gynecologist felt a small lump in my breast and referred me for an ultrasound just to be safe. Thankfully, there is no cancer in my family history, so it would be a precautionary trip. No problem. The day before my appointment, the facility called to schedule my mammogram. "No," I replied,"... Continue Reading →
Popular advice states that we should refrain from comparing ourselves to others, instead focusing our discerning eyes on who we are currently versus who we were before. Generally speaking, we make strides forward. We fall in love, get the promotion, become more spiritual, achieve a new personal best and learn an important lesson along the... Continue Reading →
Someone recently asked me whether I tend to think in terms of systems or stories. I thought about it for a brief moment before responding, "both." My blog's tagline is "sustainable systems & storytelling," while that of my previous blog was "the subjective perspective of an analytical optimist." If my ten-year-old self had a blog,... Continue Reading →
Lately, I've been experiencing a subtle shift. It's as if, slowly and inexplicably, my body is making it's way back home. My bones are weary but my spirits are high, like a lost dog returning from an extended jaunt. Magma is quietly rumbling through my veins as tectonic plates scrape along, making space for something... Continue Reading →
This weekend, I attended a yoga class for the first time in several months. Over the course of those 90 minutes, I felt as if I came back to myself. After thirteen months of feeling weak, incapable, and out-of-touch with my heart, I slowly sank back into myself with each stretch. The experienced teacher led... Continue Reading →
This past weekend, I was reminded of the duplexity of life, as well as my power to choose how I respond. Rather than labeling the incidences as "good" or "bad," I'm trying to practice non-judgement--the events are inherently meaningless until I attribute meaning to them. On Thursday, I met my aunt for dinner and it felt... Continue Reading →
I've been feeling discombobulated lately. Restless, frustrated, a little bit lonely, and unable to focus. The feeling is subtle, yet intrusive and pervasive to the point of debilitation. I begin each morning with the same routine. I take my blood pressure while reading the day's entry from The Daily Stoic, journal whilst sipping on perfectly milky... Continue Reading →
"Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." -- Lao Tzu I have the uncanny ability to simultaneously gaze off into the distant horizon and stare into my rear-view mirror, analyzing where I've been and plotting out where... Continue Reading →
My infectious disease ACNP called yesterday and, with relief in her voice, informed me that the results were in and I do not have meningitis. Sure, the other lab tests haven't been great, but we've ruled out the diagnosis that would kill me. One more small victory. We'll continue down the current path for the... Continue Reading →
I just received a call from my infectious disease doctor. "Your numbers haven't budged. You have a lumbar puncture scheduled this week, right?" My latest lab results just came in and despite four months of heavy-duty medication, excessive amounts of sleep, and supplemental eastern medicine treatment, the infection plaguing my body is not responding to... Continue Reading →
Spring is the season of new birth, followed closely by the child-rearing months of summer. Over the last several months, I've been watching as miniature animals pop up everywhere. The number of quail, geese, ground squirrels, night hawks, and king snakes seem to multiply as mothers give birth to the next generation. Yet, the increased... Continue Reading →
existential ergonomics 
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