ever seeking a right-fit life
The other day, my boyfriend returned from his chiropractor appointment and announced that Dr. K agrees that M must be a serial killer. Let me back up. M is my sister's boyfriend. They've been together for about three years now, though living across the country during the pandemic has meant we don't see them much.... Continue Reading →
Well, a few months ago, I received notice that my local library was opening back up and would be offering curbside pickup. Score! I began excitedly placing requests in the online system, none of which were ever fulfilled. I finally tapped into the old folks' skill of picking up the damn phone. Despite a full... Continue Reading →
For the last several years, I have been experiencing a strange and frequent hiccup-like sensation, wherein I involuntarily gasp and release a loud, squeaky squawk. Imagine the sounds of a hiccup reversed and them amplified. It sounds absolutely ridiculous. It's nearly impossible to convince those around me that I'm not faking the most embarrassing sound... Continue Reading →
After six months of donning a P100 respirator, chemistry googles and nitrile gloves in public, my boyfriend recently mused as to why--of all the verbal assault we had heard about--none had been directed at the most cautious person around. Yesterday afternoon, I received a text stating "It finally happened" and I knew exactly what it... Continue Reading →
This is the true story of Eric, a rather ordinary 40-year-old college professor who believes that mozzarella sticks constitute a balanced meal, women are more mysterious than the elusive giant squid and chain smoking over games of nightmare chess is the best way to spend an evening. Last night, Eric deviated from his normal routine. Rather... Continue Reading →
With my boyfriend's birthday fast-approaching, I've been begging him to just tell me what he wants.With each holiday, he insists that he doesn't need anything. I proceed to buy him something really fun or highly practical, and he always thanks me for my thoughtfulness as he insists that we don't need to be spending money... Continue Reading →
My boyfriend has joked that if I were to die, he would face his own demise within three weeks. Death from a broken heart, you ask? Nope, starvation. I've joked, that if he leaves this earth before me, I'm not going anywhere, and neither is he! Several years ago, he suggested that I would probably... Continue Reading →
The other day, my distracted mind mind was quickly drawn back into conversation when my boyfriend nonchalantly said, "let's get you a hare." After years of back-and-forth about the inhumanity of leaving an oversized mountain dog alone in a small house without a backyard for 10 hours a day, the possibility of him suffering through... Continue Reading →
One of my boyfriend's favorite bands is in town for two nights this week. Many months ago--back when I could sometimes stay up until 9pm--he bought a set of pit tickets...for both nights. Now, he's in a bit of a pickle. Should he sell the two sets of tickets and pocket the $600? Should he go... Continue Reading →
In spring 2015, I was diagnosed with valley fever and pneumonia. I was on bed rest for over a month, during which my boyfriend picked up the habit of scrunching up his forehead and saying, "I think you're losing it, dear." He would smile, kiss my forehead, and shush me as I rambled on about... Continue Reading →
My anti-fungal medication has been rough. Basically, my entire body has withered up like a raisin, my liver is confused as hell, and I look like death. My boyfriend recently made a joke about the movie Alien, I think proposing a Halloween costume he saw online that involved a pregnancy belly, doll parts, and red paint. My... Continue Reading →
What do you call a perpetual state of brain fog? Because that's what I've been dealing with for several months (or the last four years, if you ask my boyfriend). It's a good thing that I have a sense of humor because the hubby has begun documenting my grammatical snafus on the vacated "Life Goals"... Continue Reading →
Imagine a five-foot-nothing Italian with a heavy accent, oversized nose, and enough stories to ensure you always circumnavigate away from his porch if you're in a rush. His goodbyes involve kisses on the checks and finger-wagging reminders that he expects to be invited to the (eventual) wedding. This is my dear, elderly neighbor, Nico. Four... Continue Reading →
My boyfriend is a bit of a smartass. Whether pranks (like the April Fool's Day he convinced his father that Costco was closing and my mother that we were expecting), puns (which his mother refers to as two-thirds of a pun--a "P U") or miscellaneous silliness (like caressing my hair with a creepy "little hand"... Continue Reading →
It began years ago. I was ten. My parents had taken me and my brother to the children’s theatre to see Puss in Boots. It was a great show. I loved it. My mom even bought me a plush Puss with removable boots. I couldn’t have been happier, or so I thought. I ate my... Continue Reading →
existential ergonomics 
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