The Costco Mask Fiasco

After six months of donning a P100 respirator, chemistry googles and nitrile gloves in public, my boyfriend recently mused as to why--of all the verbal assault we had heard about--none had been directed at the most cautious person around. Yesterday afternoon, I received a text stating "It finally happened" and I knew exactly what it... Continue Reading →

Springtime Flurries

an upward flurry of yellow blooms sail past my second story window carried by the choppy waves of the wind reaching ever-higher, in celebration of warmth, rain and winter's final retreat the gentlest of tornadoes grows larger as the wind whistles joyously out-of-tune tossing up tiny bouquets of sunshine toward the heavens and onto my... Continue Reading →

This Is Either Going to End in Marriage or Arson

This is the true story of Eric, a rather ordinary 40-year-old college professor who believes that mozzarella sticks constitute a balanced meal, women are more mysterious than the elusive giant squid and chain smoking over games of nightmare chess is the best way to spend an evening. Last night, Eric deviated from his normal routine. Rather... Continue Reading →

A Skin-Colored Bandage

A skin-colored bandage covers the rot, the festering past, all the things that you're not. When no one's around, you pull back the cloth and pick at the flesh 'til your mouth starts to froth. Today, we must show up to prove we're the best; there's no room for failure and no time for rest.... Continue Reading →

Homework For Life

Every day is composed of moments. Even during those phases of life in which we feel like we're reliving the same day over and over again, drowning in the monotony. Whether stuck in bed suffering chronic illness, home all day caring for an infant or glued to an office chair for forty hours a week,... Continue Reading →

The Birthday Bidet

With my boyfriend's birthday fast-approaching, I've been begging him to just tell me what he wants.With each holiday, he insists that he doesn't need anything. I proceed to buy him something really fun or highly practical, and he always thanks me for my thoughtfulness as he insists that we don't need to be spending money... Continue Reading →

A Sock, A Tourniquet

I awoke to a twisted ankle minus the explanatory sprain an invisible rubber band still grasping the purple flesh three-quarters of an inch above my ankle "don't wear socks to bed" the doctor had advised but the words fell on deaf ears and chilly toes now resembling those of a blood-drained corpse

A Call From The Clouds

the tin awning pings, repeatedly a call from the clouds: look around you pay attention   the pitter-patter of precipitation striking lightly, then violently a mile-wide percussion band tap dancing on the rooftops   established trees reach upwards twirling gracefully at center stage until their arms grow weary bowing down to the dampened earth  ... Continue Reading →

Death and Taxidermy

My boyfriend has joked that if I were to die, he would face his own demise within three weeks. Death from a broken heart, you ask? Nope, starvation. I've joked, that if he leaves this earth before me, I'm not going anywhere, and neither is he! Several years ago, he suggested that I would probably... Continue Reading →

Let’s Get You A Hare

The other day, my distracted mind mind was quickly drawn back into conversation when my boyfriend nonchalantly said, "let's get you a hare." After years of back-and-forth about the inhumanity of leaving an oversized mountain dog alone in a small house without a backyard for 10 hours a day, the possibility of him suffering through... Continue Reading →

Sonderlust

thighs branded by diamonds torso tilted forward, ever so slightly chin perched upon chilled palm engaged in a theatrical viewing of homo sapien jest and despair passersby transfixed by amorous affairs strategic advances and endless upward swiping the realization arises slowly as the glowing orb ascends the ass-slapping lovers bespectacled checkmate men and teenagers in search... Continue Reading →

Lessons From The Heart

The heart is a wondrous, mighty thing-- a splintered orb circling its crooked axis, sending off a blitz of encrypted messages. In blimps, codes and point-blank, it won't stop telling us what we need to hear. The heart echos it's directive-- it keeps returning to the same thing. This has been a season of tumultuous... Continue Reading →

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