How to Connect With Interesting People

I don’t particularly like meeting new people. It’s not that I’m antisocial but, rather, I value my energy. Most people aren’t worth the energy to meet. They’re not interesting people.

The gap between interesting people and the least common denominator is vast. That gap is almost always represented by the difference between consumers versus creators, between back-of-the-textbook peekers and problem-solvers.

Problem-solvers go deep. They thoroughly research a problem and develop multiple hypotheses. They seek others’ opinions, and they’re more focused on exploring the problem than validating any one solution.

Conversely, the consumer loves others’ creations and discussion what they like about a particular product, art piece, or popular theory. Their opinions are others’ opinions, and they don’t see any alternative.

We can learn a lot from problem-solvers, even if their area of interest is novel and laced with uncertainties. We can ask deep questions and gain a shortcut through the trial and error of deep work by engaging with them.

By contrast, consumers know only headline-level detail, and we don’t learn more than we would with a quick internet search. Their knowledge is shallow and untested. Based on my observation and interactions, the world is primarily made up of consumers.

The best way to avoid wasting time on consumers is to be interesting.

The easiest way to meet interesting people is by having accomplished something yourself. Do something that make you someone worth meeting, and interesting people will reach out.

However, doing someone interesting one time isn’t enough. You must continue being interesting to hold the attention of other interesting people. The grind never stops, no matter how big you strike it.

Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.

Carl Jung

I spent most of my life feeling lonely and, just as Jung describes, it came down to a lack of shared interests. While I pondered the meaning of life, my friends considered which outfit they would wear to the football game and whether to break up with their boyfriend.

In 2010, while feeling particularly disconnected, I set up my first WordPress account. I tried to be interesting. Though, at the time, it was not for the sake of meeting other people, but merely to entertain myself. Within a few months, I was featured on the front page. Being Freshly Pressed generated hundreds of new readers, dozens of insightful comments and, over time, a handful of special friends. Gradually and then all at once, for the first time in my life, I no longer felt lonely.

Blogging is a magical hobby that allows us to send our ideas out into the ether, to be greeted by others’ mental tentacles. If you build it, they will come. When we delve into and explore the topics and frameworks that we find interesting, we will attract like-minded folks willing to join in the discussion.

How did we find each other? Some days, it feels like a miracle.

Have I done anything that makes me someone worth meeting? While it certainly doesn’t feel that, I’m sure many bloggers that I admire feel the same way.

We’re all here, fumbling through the journey, trying to find meaning, share wisdom, and inspire others. Our seemingly trivial thoughts and musings could provide life-changing value to another.

So, how do we connect with interesting people? Be passionately interested in various things. Approach your interests as a problem-solver. Share your ideas publicly with the aim of offering value to whomever my stumble across it, and keep at it. Seek out others exploring similar topics and engage with them. Build it and they will come, and the loneliness will fade away.