Doing The Hard Work Upfront

“Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. Choose your hard.
Obesity is hard. Being fit is hard. Choose your hard.
Being in debt is hard. Being financially disciplined is hard. Choose your hard.
Communication is hard. Not communicating is hard. Choose your hard.
Life will never be easy. It will always be hard. But we can choose our hard. Pick wisely.”

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Early in the relationship with my boyfriend, there was some tension. I was clearly ill and deeply in denial, yet his recommendations that I seek help were met with hostility. His suggesting that I “need to” do anything pissed me off. After months of back-and-forth, we refined his phrasing, I felt less attacked, and I finally entertained the idea of seeing a doctor. The discussions were hard and painful. Occasionally, I considered throwing in the towel. It would have been the easier option. But I’m glad we didn’t. By working through the early challenges of our relationship, we discovered how to best communicate with and support one another. Now, our relationship feels effortless.

I have friends and family members who live off of pastries, burgers, and processed microwave meals. While grabbing a meal at the drive-thru is easier than preparing food at home, the extra weight and health conditions that come from unhealthy food choices create more hardship long-term. Although I’ve not been able to be particularly active due to chronic illness, I am mindful of my food choices. It was challenging to learn to cook within the confines of two different sets of dietary limitations, and it was tiring to prepare food every day. After figuring out the basics, meal preparation has become second nature and I can easily whip up a healthy meal.

I graduated college with minimal debt, but it felt like the weight of the world on my shoulders. Throughout college, I shared a tiny studio with a roommate and ate one meal a day to minimize debt. Upon graduation, my habits didn’t change and I paid off my student loans within three years. I’ve been saving money toward retirement since my first job, gradually ramping up from $25 per month to nearly 40% of my income. Rather than putting everything on credit, I have savings buckets for home repairs, vacations, and a new vehicle when my trusty old Civic eventually kicks the bucket. I’ve made lifestyle sacrifices today to alleviate future worry about credit card interest rates and financial security in retirement. The hardships today are setting me up for an easier tomorrow.

Errors and cognitive lapses often come with the territory of chronic illness. I’ve made many mistakes. Rather than trying to hide behind my screen and pretend that everything is fine, I’ve developed the habit of asking my boss more questions and admitting when I think I’ve made an error. Preparing to confront someone and admit your shortcomings is daunting. However, admitting fault yourself and committing to not making the same mistake again is better than having someone else bring attention to your error. The hard conversation up front leads to a better communication, increased trust, and an increased ease in breaching difficult topics in the future.

My personal journey has involved a set of chronic illnesses that threw an entire chest of wrenches into all areas of my life. The easy choice would have been to give up. I could have quit my job, applied for disability, stayed in bed, and moped over all that I had lost. Instead, I made a commitment to myself to do everything within my control to get well. I forced myself to keep working to pay for medical treatment; eat healthily and take supplements; keep pursuing new specialists and modalities, and; remain somewhat hopeful. It’s taken eight years of stubborn persistence and concerted efforts, but the hard work is now giving way to ease. The habits I’ve built to support my health today will stay with me for the rest of my life, bringing ease as my body ages and changes.

Making my day harder has made everything easier.

Experiencing the hard stuff in life is not a matter of if, but a matter of when. Often the hard thing that we don’t want to do is the only thing that stands between us and what we really want: more ease. And take heed, hard now and hard later are not created equal.

I’ve written more on the topic over at The Heart of the Matter. Go check out the companion piece, Maybe Easier Isn’t Better After All, and join in the conversation.

Have you ever done anything that was hard upfront, but made for easier time later? Alternatively, have you ever taken the easier path upfront, but later realized the path was actually the more challenging one?