Flash Judgements & Finding Middle Ground

What do you think when you see people with a gun holster at their hip? How about a shirt that reads, “I’ve had 27 abortions”? What about someone with a MAGA hat, or pronoun pins? How about a young man with pants sagging down to his knees? Or the young woman whose breast and butt cheeks are spilling out of her outfit? What are your thoughts when your cashier appears to be developmentally delayed and is slowly and methodically scanning your items? What about when someone cuts you off while you’re driving your kids to school?

Did you experience any visceral reactions while reading through this list?

Yesterday, in her post title The Friendship Village, Deb talks about picking up a book and continuing on even after realizing the author held different viewpoints and beliefs than her own. Based on that post, she suspect she learned something from the author and is grateful for the food for thought.

Then, today, Todd Fulginiti writes on Why I Went To A Taylor Swift Concert. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t to appease a squealing daughter. As a swift fan himself, Todd asks us to consider if there’s someone in our lives that may be judging based on who they may have been in the past. He implores us to look at each other with fresh eyes.

Both blog posts had me thinking about how quick we–humanity as a whole–are to judge, and often our flash judgments are a mistake. Our judgements are often rooted in an incomplete story, misunderstanding, or preconceived notions.

We’re often so keen on seeking out familiarity that we fail to recognize the value of stepping out of our preferred echo chamber, briefly entertain the opposite viewpoint, and then tweaking our own perspective if we see fit. My personal beliefs are very different than they were a decade ago because I’m continually exposing myself to all sides of story and adjusting my mental models based on what I learn.

I read a variety of blogs and newsletters, including several that wag their finger at “people like me”. While I may not agree with their perspective, I can recognize where their beliefs come from and I can view them as valid.

Let’s take a look at an example: Guns.

I am a gun owner. To some people, that fact is deeply disturbing.

My side of that story is that I’m a responsible gun owner. Prior to the pandemic, I was a member of the local gun club and would regularly go in for practice and take refresher courses on self-defense. Several friends are former special forces, so I have been thoroughly trained on how to shoot while running, walking backwards, crawling, and moving swiftly over uneven terrain. The only time I would ever intend to use my weapon against another human is if an intruder is in my home, I have no alternate means of escape, and the intruder did not heed my first warning to “leave or I will shoot”.

The guns live in a hidden and locked safe and are only removed for transport to the gun club or the gun range. I value human life and if I need to defend myself or my loved ones, I will not hesitate to do so. I hope to God I’m never put into that position.

I did not grow up with guns in my home and was terrified of them up until a decade ago. It wasn’t until I’d put in a significant amount of training that I came to view guns as a tool to be used for good or bad, rather than merely a weapon to be used for harm. I’m a 34-year-old female and owning a gun makes me feel safe. If I am home alone and someone tries to harm me, I will survive it.

If you would have initially judged me for owning a gun, would my training and reverence for its power alter your opinion at all? If not, no hard feelings. This is just an though exercise.

There are others who wish to for increased gun control laws, and I’m equally familiar with their perspective. There exists a spectrum. Some wish for better regulations to keep guns out of the hands of felons and the mentally ill. Some would like every weapon to be registered. Some want a ban on assault rifles. Others want a permanent and blanket ban on all guns. Proponent of gun control laws state that the Second Amendment was intended for militias. They also believe that gun violence would be reduced, and that most Americans, including gun owners, would support some restrictions.

A key observations I’ve made is that the majority of vocal gun control advocates are mothers who have seen far too many school shootings and fear their children’s lives may be at risk. While I don’t have children myself, I can empathize. When faced with fear, we want to feel in control. If we take away all of the guns, our children will be safe, right? And isn’t that what we all want?

If you would have initially judged the fearful mother advocating for gun control, does understanding her motivation give way to a bit of empathy? Again, this is just an though exercise.

After understanding both sides, it’s time to seek out the middle-ground. We’ve seen the arguments from both sides, so from here, we can dive in. As a gun owner, I may be somewhat biased, so keep that in mind. However, a decade ago, I never would have guessed I would own a gun, and my research into the topic is what changed my mind, so there may be something value after all.

In 2014, I visited Chicago for a family reunion. My aunt, sister, and I were held at gunpoint in a convenience store. We were able to (slowly) escape through the revolving entrance door as the store clerk swung a standing fan at the perpetrator, leaving our water bottles and my aunt’s wallet on the service counter. Upon returning to our hotel, half a block away, we were scolded by hotel staff for venturing into the “bad part of town.”

Chicago’s gun laws are among the most restrictive in the United States, yet family living there call it the “Murder Capital”. With a crime rate of 33 per one thousand residents, Chicago has one of the highest crime rates in America. One’s chance of becoming a victim of either violent or property crime is one in 31. Clearly, the connection between gun control laws and violent crime is not 100% linear. Most guns in Illinois come from Indiana. Would a nationwide bad change anything, or would guns simply be smuggled in from Mexico? I think it’s important to ask questions like this before making major changes to laws or regulations.

I also look at Australia, which has extremely strict gun control laws. While the murder with firearm rate is 3 per million, as compared to 32.57 in America, I saw videos of individuals being taken from their homes against their will during the pandemic for interacting with a family member or friend during the pandemic. If they had firearms, they may have been able to stand their ground and resist the tyranny. Our governments exist to serve the people and, thus, should fear and respect their people. That was not the case in Australia. In America, did the high level of gun ownership deter the government from taking such extreme measures? Perhaps. Again, I believe these are important questions to entertain. Not just considering the immediate desired outcome, but all potential long-term effects.

I don’t think the answer is as straightforward and obvious as either “side” of the argument makes it out to be. This holds true for guns and just about any other controversial topic of discussion. The key point being that there should be ongoing discussions and attempts to understand one another and find a solution that is amicable to all involved parties. Doing so takes the tensions that the media pushes–villainizing one group or another–down a few notches. That open-mindedness helps foster more empathy in an increasingly divisive world.

Finally, it’s also important to keep in mind that with the Smith-Mundt Modernization Act of 2012, Congress repealed the ban of propaganda on American soil and allowed for the spread of government-manufactured news to the American people. Not everything you see and read is real. It’s more important than ever to try to understand and pick apart every aspect of a story to move ever-closer to the truth. Beyond that, the understand will promote empathy, and the world so desperately needs more of that.