HOA, Another Word For Hell

My community needs it’s own television show.

We own a condo. It’s filled with mold. The mold was growing behind the drywall, so we were unaware.

We’ve been out of said condo for 14 months. All that’s happened in that time is the HOA’s insurance tested the home for mold, and then claimed that the policy doesn’t cover mold.

A year ago, my boyfriend and a neighbor ran for the board to help move things along. They’re joined by a president who is sleeping with the property manager, two members fighting to be king of the tennis court, and another who wants to convert the tennis court into a pickle ball court.

While two members propose fixing the irrigation, repairing leaking roofs, and remediating the pervasive mold problem, the other three argue over the amenities.

The property manager, who was just fired and replaced, was completely inept. She accomplished nothing, while two board members put in 20 to 40 hours per week into collecting quotes, interfacing with vendors, and trying to stop our community from going down the shitter.

Well, yesterday the ballots for this year were sent out. Board members serve two-year terms, so the three stooges may be booted. Great! Until we found out who is running.

The current president, who does nothing.

The two members fighting for title King of the Tennis Court.

One all-star candidate: a man who owns several properties, has served on several boards, and seems to be a skilled businessman.

There is a woman whom we convinced to run, but whose intentions we’re now questioning due to the content of her bio.

There is a friend of the overly-dramatic gay couple who have been caught leaving dog poop at people’s doorstop and who have keyed and hammered board members’ cars, including ours. We’ll call her The Spy.

Then, there’s the former president of the board, who presided for 20 years. He runs a tennis lesson business off the tennis court. He did so without insurance, so HOA was liable for any injury. He also booked the court 24/7 so residents could not enjoy it. He’s now limited to three hours of court time per day. Reasonable for leisure, not for lessons. So, he’s pissed and trying to change the rules. However, his application is being reviewed by a lawyer because the HOA board has a “cease and desist” against him due to violence when the tennis court rules were changed, so he’s not allowed to be within a certain distance of board members.

And finally, there’s the former board president’s lackey, who will likely follow in his master’s footsteps.

There are eight contenders, and only three will make it on to the next round. Who will they be?

I cannot believe what a mess this community is! Are all HOAs like this, or is it because it’s a condo with shared wall and facilities?

If there’s a sliver of good news, it’s this: we have a new property manager, as of a few days ago. She seems like a good egg. She has noted that the community is in complete disarray. She sees that we need help.

However, it’s already been decided. Once our home has been remediated, remodeled, and is in a saleable state, we’re dropping it like a hot potato. It’s been nothing but a nightmare and a liability. And the HOA just adds insult to injury. We have almost certainly been priced out of our neighborhood, and quite possibly the entire metro area. But, we’ll figure all that out later. That place is a curse, and we just need to get away.

P.S. What’s with the tennis obsession?? It is generational, or regional?? Or do I just live in proximity to a entire tub of nutcases??