HOA, Another Word For Hell

My community needs it’s own television show.

We own a condo. It’s filled with mold. The mold was growing behind the drywall, so we were unaware.

We’ve been out of said condo for 14 months. All that’s happened in that time is the HOA’s insurance tested the home for mold, and then claimed that the policy doesn’t cover mold.

A year ago, my boyfriend and a neighbor ran for the board to help move things along. They’re joined by a president who is sleeping with the property manager, two members fighting to be king of the tennis court, and another who wants to convert the tennis court into a pickle ball court.

While two members propose fixing the irrigation, repairing leaking roofs, and remediating the pervasive mold problem, the other three argue over the amenities.

The property manager, who was just fired and replaced, was completely inept. She accomplished nothing, while two board members put in 20 to 40 hours per week into collecting quotes, interfacing with vendors, and trying to stop our community from going down the shitter.

Well, yesterday the ballots for this year were sent out. Board members serve two-year terms, so the three stooges may be booted. Great! Until we found out who is running.

The current president, who does nothing.

The two members fighting for title King of the Tennis Court.

One all-star candidate: a man who owns several properties, has served on several boards, and seems to be a skilled businessman.

There is a woman whom we convinced to run, but whose intentions we’re now questioning due to the content of her bio.

There is a friend of the overly-dramatic gay couple who have been caught leaving dog poop at people’s doorstop and who have keyed and hammered board members’ cars, including ours. We’ll call her The Spy.

Then, there’s the former president of the board, who presided for 20 years. He runs a tennis lesson business off the tennis court. He did so without insurance, so HOA was liable for any injury. He also booked the court 24/7 so residents could not enjoy it. He’s now limited to three hours of court time per day. Reasonable for leisure, not for lessons. So, he’s pissed and trying to change the rules. However, his application is being reviewed by a lawyer because the HOA board has a “cease and desist” against him due to violence when the tennis court rules were changed, so he’s not allowed to be within a certain distance of board members.

And finally, there’s the former board president’s lackey, who will likely follow in his master’s footsteps.

There are eight contenders, and only three will make it on to the next round. Who will they be?

I cannot believe what a mess this community is! Are all HOAs like this, or is it because it’s a condo with shared wall and facilities?

If there’s a sliver of good news, it’s this: we have a new property manager, as of a few days ago. She seems like a good egg. She has noted that the community is in complete disarray. She sees that we need help.

However, it’s already been decided. Once our home has been remediated, remodeled, and is in a saleable state, we’re dropping it like a hot potato. It’s been nothing but a nightmare and a liability. And the HOA just adds insult to injury. We have almost certainly been priced out of our neighborhood, and quite possibly the entire metro area. But, we’ll figure all that out later. That place is a curse, and we just need to get away.

P.S. What’s with the tennis obsession?? It is generational, or regional?? Or do I just live in proximity to a entire tub of nutcases??

21 thoughts on “HOA, Another Word For Hell

  1. I’m sorry to read about your mold problem and offer no advice, but will admit I’m laughing because in my experience there is always a “former board president’s lackey” who carries on the worst traditions. As for tennis, I don’t get it either. I think it’s a generational thing. Boomers love it more than any other generation, no matter where I’ve lived.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I’m glad this gave you a laugh, Ally… most things worth crying over have some element of humor buried within, and I’m always on the lookout haha! Yes, it’s all the Boomers fighting over the court, so that must be it…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Have you watched Only Murders in the Building? Your condos have the perfect mix of characters to be that show for real. I’m curious Erin, is it just your condo or do others have the mold issue? I think I read about a leak or water issue in or around yours, but I wonder what others may be facing and don’t even know it, or have been bought off by the condo board…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I haven’t watched Only Murders in the Building, but I’ll have to look into it! Unfortunately, it’s not just us. There are 100 units and, just in the last year, there have been 10+ reports of active leaks and/or mold. The sprinkler pipes are 40+ years old (good for up to 25) and there have been numerous roof leaks. The place is a ticking time bomb… if we can’t sue (which isn’t looking too promising), someone else surely will. And I’m sure there are numerous more issues residents aren’t aware us, especially since many are seasonal residents.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Wow Erin! This sounds like you all need to band together as a group. Perhaps there’s greater power in larger numbers?


  3. Oh my goodness…so much ‘blogging fodder’ here…soap opera, reality TV…except it’s a true tale from your life! Sigh, sigh, sigh. Does it help you to know that I’m leaning toward your appraisal…’tub of nutcases’? How ’bout if I send a hug, just because? Here it comes…🥰

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Tub of nutcases – yes! Oh dear, glad you are getting out of there at the first opportunity, Erin. I don’t think that drama is good for anyone with a head on their shoulders…

      Liked by 1 person

  4. What a nightmare! HOAs kill me—it’s like another layer of government that you have to deal with, and it’s usually even more expensive than local property taxes!

    Keep us posted on the election. Yeesh!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, that’s exactly what it is–extra bureaucracy! Yep, HOA fees are 4 times the cost of property tax… and we’re paying both while our home is inhabitable. Wild times! I will surely keep everyone posted.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Erin, if the health issue you’re dealing weren’t so serious and frustrating, you’re right that the situation with the HOA and your condo board has all the ingredients for a sitcom! Also, judging from the character descriptions, perhaps a reality show like Survivor or Big Brother may be more apropos. I hope that whoever ends up on the board has the residents best interests at heart rather their own gains and drama!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, when we’re especially frustrated, that’s what we joke about… if the situation weren’t so dire, how funny it would all be. I can just imagine the show: Battle for the Tennis Court! Yes, that’s our hope, as well. Fingers crossed!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. If you don’t want to create a show, you probably could write a few episodes for an existing one! You have the makings of a few episodes or seasons by the sound of it!

    Liked by 1 person

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