Sorry, I Don’t Know When Your Partner Plans to Propose

Do you ever check out your blogs stats? I puruse them, maybe, once per year for a giggle or two, but don’t really care about the data. What I do find amusing are the search terms.

Over 50% of search terms pointing to my site are some variation on “5 year relationship”. Some folks are looking for advice, some want to know what “level” a five-year relationship is, and how to celebrate an anniversary. Others want to know when their significant other will propose or where I see their relationship in five years. I once shared 5 Valuable Lessons From My 5-Year Relationship, but how the heck would I know when your partner is going to propose? Come on now, use your brain, internet peeps. I’m no psychic.

The second most common search term is “study of the soul,” which isn’t a topic I would have imagined anyone to be interested in. What did I even write about it? Ah, I listened to a lecture on psycho-spiritual development and resistance to change. Psycheology: The Study of the Soul. I doubt this is what people were seeking.

Now for the weirdest search terms! I’ll go first:

1. ethical library porn
2. I quit eating gluten and my erythema nodosum went away
3. reverse hiccups in humans
4. is Brene Brown really existential?
5. ergonomic tourniquet
6. where is my television in 5 years?
7. existential fragility
8. *soul* “ergonomics” -chair- green
9. a pair of scissors is intuitive to the user
10. make my hiccups go away!

Sorry, folks. I don’t think you found what you were looking for, now did you?

I’m laughing so hard my sides hurt. I can’t decide which search term I find funniest. If you’re losing a limb, is it really important to have an ergonomic device to cut off circulation to the limb? What the heck is ethical library porn? That’s great that your rash went away, but why are you telling me? I can’t tell you about your TV and I don’t have a green chair. And I don’t know Brene well enough to answer that and, frankly, I don’t even understand the question.

But, alas, #10. You, I can help. Take a shot of apple cider vinegar. Works every time. I’m a frequently flyer on the hiccup express, so I would know. I may not know when your significant other plans to propose, but I can eradicate your hiccups like a champ!