Sorry, I Don’t Know When Your Partner Plans to Propose

Do you ever check out your blogs stats? I puruse them, maybe, once per year for a giggle or two, but don’t really care about the data. What I do find amusing are the search terms.

Over 50% of search terms pointing to my site are some variation on “5 year relationship”. Some folks are looking for advice, some want to know what “level” a five-year relationship is, and how to celebrate an anniversary. Others want to know when their significant other will propose or where I see their relationship in five years. I once shared 5 Valuable Lessons From My 5-Year Relationship, but how the heck would I know when your partner is going to propose? Come on now, use your brain, internet peeps. I’m no psychic.

The second most common search term is “study of the soul,” which isn’t a topic I would have imagined anyone to be interested in. What did I even write about it? Ah, I listened to a lecture on psycho-spiritual development and resistance to change. Psycheology: The Study of the Soul. I doubt this is what people were seeking.

Now for the weirdest search terms! I’ll go first:

  1. ethical library porn
  2. I quit eating gluten and my erythema nodosum went away
  3. reverse hiccups in humans
  4. is Brene Brown really existential?
  5. ergonomic tourniquet
  6. where is my television in 5 years?
  7. existential fragility
  8. *soul* “ergonomics” -chair- green
  9. a pair of scissors is intuitive to the user
  10. make my hiccups go away!

Sorry, folks. I don’t think you found what you were looking for, now did you?

I’m laughing so hard my sides hurt. I can’t decide which search term I find funniest. If you’re losing a limb, is it really important to have an ergonomic device to cut off circulation to the limb? What the heck is ethical library porn? That’s great that your rash went away, but why are you telling me? I can’t tell you about your TV and I don’t have a green chair. And I don’t know Brene well enough to answer that and, frankly, I don’t even understand the question.

But, alas, #10. You, I can help. Take a shot of apple cider vinegar. Works every time. I’m a frequently flyer on the hiccup express, so I would know. I may not know when your significant other plans to propose, but I can eradicate your hiccups like a champ!

11 thoughts on “Sorry, I Don’t Know When Your Partner Plans to Propose

  1. These are too funny, Erin. I can see why you’re laughing. I should take a look at mine too so see what potential gold nuggets are there.

    It’s very interesting to think and to discover how people may have stumbled into our blogging lives and posts. You just never know which posts or search terms will open those doors!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Hilarious Erin! Of course, after reading this post I had to go look at mine. Here are a few interesting ones- archaeology sand cargo pants, anal explosive personality, hot babes in motorcaravan, bald girls are attractive… What is going on!!

    Liked by 3 people

      1. I really have no clue what those search terms indicate about my blog, myself, or the people who read it… Eye-opening indeed Erin because I never knew that section existed on WP. I never look at stats but maybe it’s time to change that fact 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  3. #10 is a very pragmatic search term for a blog that has the word ‘existential’ in the title. Not that there’s anything wrong with looking for a cure for hiccups… but here?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ha, ha, love it Erin. When I worked in one of my corp comm jobs, an editor used to like us to review search terms and write stories based on that. Does this mean, we’re going to see future posts on ethical library porn and gluten and hiccups. Ha, ha, love it. Now I have to check mine.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, that’s too funny! I may see if I can use some of them as prompt for something amusing in the future. You’ll have to share if you discover any gems!


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