Accommodating Each Other’s “Crazy”

I was a late-bloomer and didn’t begin dating until I was out of college. Throughout my teens and twenties, I collected advice from the likes of John Gottman and Leo Buscalgia, as my parents must have been under the impression that if they didn’t mention dating, it would never happen.

I was once a die-hard perfectionist. If I was going to do anything, I was going to do it right and I was going to be the best. Relationships did not come as naturally to me as math, science, and grammer, but I committed to figuring things out.

Two ideas in particular stood out in my mind as the most logical goalposts. One from the ancient Greek poet, Homer, and one from the modern love researcher, Dr. John Gottman.

“There is nothing more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.”


As a young twenty-something, I was drawn to the idea of a relationship that delights friends and confounds enemy. To create something that appears, from a distance, too good to be true. Yet, from up close, it clear to be something lovely and laudable. The idea felt exciting and mischievous, like a secret handshake.

My takeaway from Homer was to find someone who shares my values and will always have my back. I was reminded to look past the most handsome, wealthy, and successful person and simply focusing on finding someone who was a good match for me.

The second idea that really stuck with me was the below gem.

“The point is that neuroses don’t have to ruin a marriage. If you can accommodate each other’s “crazy” side and handle it with caring, affection, and respect, your marriage can thrive.”

John M. Gottman

Hop on over to the The Heart of the Matter blog to check out my blog post today on where I discus an unintentionally poignant bit of advice from my grandfather, and the value of accommodating each other’s “crazy” in a loving relationship.

6 thoughts on “Accommodating Each Other’s “Crazy”

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  1. I enjoyed your Heart of the Matter post and you nailed it when you said, “I was reminded to look past the most handsome, wealthy, and successful person and simply focusing on finding someone who was a good match for me.” Embrace the crazy and not perfection seems to be the key!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Ab! I’ve seen so many people pursue those traits that can fade. My partner is disabled and unemployed, but he has a big heart, complementary sense of humor, shared values, and so much potential to do great things if someone just believed in him. I believe I’m happier where I am than I would be had I pursued all the status symbols.

      Liked by 1 person

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