Random Thoughts On A Saturday

Life’s a bit of a jumble this week. I fainted this week for the first time in seventeen months, which is confusing because I no longer have critically low blood pressure nor tachycardia. My brain is foggy, yet I keep seeing signposts that I’m doing okay. When it comes to critical thinking and creative writing, my mind is blank. However, my memory is still functioning. A year ago, my short term memory was so bad that I had to read and input two-factor authentication numerical strings one digit at a time, and I’m still able to recall up to eight. I don’t know whether it’s pathetic or perceptive to celebrate such trivial matters, but I do.

My best friend informed me that she has news to share the next time she see’s me in person. It must be either really good or really bad, right? I’ll be stopping by to drop off some of my childhood toys that mom would love to see loved again, so maybe I’ll find out today. I’m hopeful that it’s good news. They said “one and done” but maybe another oopsie-daisy niece or nephew?! 😍 It’s an exciting thought, though admittedly also a bit heartbreaking as my health is slipping and with it my prospects of motherhood.

A friend from my chapter of the Daughters of The American Revolution was rushed into emergency surgery due to blood clots in her lungs and legs. She’s home now, but I felt a visceral fear upon hearing the news. My boyfriend was also hospitalized with a pulmonary embolism and deep vein thrombosis, also in his thirties, in his case due to COVID. It seems that these types of things are becoming more common and it’s deeply disconcerting, whatever the cause.

I was reviewing our annual budget and over the past year, we spent $40,329. Of that amount, $12,456 of was medical expenses (oof!) and $5,680 was home expenses (property taxes, HOA fees) for an inhabitable home. I knew we were frugal, but I’m impressed. Medical aside, a household of two living on under $28,000 seems pretty good. Since my boyfriend can’t work, I’m trying to max out all my retirement account to cover both of us. The future still feels like a crapshoot with our current monetary system, but we’re doing what we can.

This Valentine’s Day is my Grandma’s first without my Grandpa in almost seventy years. My boyfriend had the idea to send her a Valentine’s Day card to let her know she’s in her thoughts. And to suggest that her late husband is looking down on her, especially when she’s naked! 🀣 She has a grand sense of humor, but I’m on the fence with that one. Haha!

I’m still wading through The Invisible Kingdom: Reimagining Chornic Illness. I keep finding myself tearing up, nodding in agreement, and reflecting back on forgotten parallels. The denial, loneliness, the disbelief, the desperation and subsequent whack-job treatments, and the wave of recognition the first time a doctor suggested it wasn’t psychosomatic. It’s slow read at times and an uncomfortable topic, so I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it to most. But I’m grateful the book exists, and I’m grateful that I found it, and I’m grateful that the author found her path to recovery. It pains me to know I’m not the only one to have endure the atrocities of the modern medical system.

Next up, I’m reading Lessons in Chemistry for my book club. I don’t recall who recommended it, but it was the top voted choice in the group, so thanks! Since we had to get rid of our huge book collection due to mold, we bought a Kobo Elispsa e-reader. I have all my old books and thousands more, free from Library Genesis, loaded onto the devise. We bought a model that allows of highlighting and writing in the margins. I’ll still always prefer physical books, but I’m quite happy with the e-reader.

Finally, a few months ago I learned about the Hashknife Pony Express and sent myself a postcard via horseback, and it just arrived. What a fun little slice of history.

11 thoughts on “Random Thoughts On A Saturday

Add yours

  1. Sending love, love, love. I’m so sorry to hear that you had a fainting episode this week, Erin. If I had the power, I’d command all the stressors away. I surely would. Thinking of you! πŸ’–
    And…for a giggle…I’ll share that I’m a book club delinquent…my troupe voted on “Lessons in Chemistry”…read it, loved it…and I was the lone goofball who didn’t get her act together to start…or finish…but wow…the story? I was grateful that my girlfriends let me listen in as they discussed the book. I’ll be interested in what you think…and maybe by then I will have finished it! Hugs and love to you. πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Vicki! πŸ’– Despite small setbacks over the last month, I really am doing a lot better than a year ago with more knowledge and tools. Haha! Thanks for the chuckle! I was the book club delinquent up until recently, and it can be fun to just listen in. Hugs right back!! πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Kendra! I am doing worlds better than a year ago and checking in with my doctor this week to re-run labs and such. Hopefully, it’s just a small and temporary setback. πŸ’–πŸ’–

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Sending you positive wishes and hope you get the bottom of your fainting turn and that you feel better soon. It sounds like you’re under a lot of stress and that will affect your concentration and thinking abilities.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Brenda! I was so low-energy for so low that my emotional response is still blunted–I hadn’t even realized that I may be stressed, but there is some worry and uncertainty around my health.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Worries about our health do cause a lot of stress. When we’re facing the unknown it’s scary. The uncertainly brings stress and sometimes our imaginations add to that. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this just now. Sending bug hugs to make you feel warm and comforted. ❀️

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh Erin, think of you today with this post. I have no concept of what you must deal with each day or how you pull the positive moments to the forefront, but you do. That is courage. Take care.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Deb! I’m made huge strides in the last year, so I feel better equipped to readjust my sails and get back on course. I think I was just, perhaps foolishly, thinking I cured myself. Life’s a journey, and health is too.

      Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a website or blog at WordPress.com

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: