Web Miscellany: Compilation #35

Hello, loves!

Last weekend, my friend’s foreign parents were in town and prepared Chinese food as a thank you for looking after their daughter while she’s so far from home. We passed funny stories back and forth across the language barrier, all laughter and smiles. My heart felt so full!

My boyfriend called up some old friends, some of whom he hasn’t heard from in over a decade, and it may have been the happiest I’ve ever seen him. I’m so excited to travel up to Seattle this summer, but I’m even more excited to see my boyfriend reconnect with the people he was closest to in his twenties.

I saw my doctor for severe abdominal pain this week, which led to the observation that my ovaries are one-sixth of normal size. At first glace, through the lens of a 2-D ultrasound, it appears that I have premature ovarian failure with autoimmune etiology. In order words, at age thirty, I’m walking around with an empty egg carton because my body decided to egg its own house. I feel incredibly sad, though I’ve yet to tease apart whether it’s because my body is engaging in self-harm or because the decision regarding procreation may have already been made for me.

I’ve been feeling particularly lost and alone over the last week. I’m loading up on about twenty supplements per day, all of which are identified deficiencies, and yet each morning I wake up feeling worse. I’m a food pyramid rock star, take a three-mile walk through nature daily, meditate twice per day and repeat positive affirmations to myself constantly. I wholeheartedly believe that my body has the innate wisdom to heal itself and is doing so right now. But, it feels like maybe I’m just being naive and blindly optimistic. I’m painfully torn between pursuing (expensive and experimental) gene therapy and simply acting as if I’m well until body responds accordingly.

Anyways, have how has the week been to you? Have you had any particular special (or not so great) moments? Have you come across anything particularly touching or interesting? Here are my picks for the week. Enjoy!

  1. Fun fact of the day: The fax machine was invented while people were still traveling on the Oregon Trail. Wild!
  2. Timewave Zero – In this discussion with Art Bell, Terence McKenna questions the nature of time and space.
  3. I fell in love with this Patagonia romper and had to splurge. It’s the perfect blend of my two favorite articles of clothing and I imagine it will become a wardrobe staple.
  4. Quote I’m pondering from “My predominant feeling is one of gratitude. I have loved and been loved. I have been given much and I have given something in return. Above all, I have been a sentient being, a thinking animal, on this beautiful planet, and that in itself has been an enormous privilege and adventure.” — Oliver Sacks
  5. The Day the Dinosaurs Died.
  6. How to Be a Better Listener.
  7. Be a librarian to your readers, from Austin Kleon.
  8. Top 10 Reasons Why INFJs Are Walking Paradoxes. I can relate to this.

  9. I’ve always had a soft spot for Ben Folds.

 

8 thoughts on “Web Miscellany: Compilation #35

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  1. My gut-feeling is that you would likely be better able to sense what your body is telling you, if you could pull the plug for some time and make the whole day, or several days in a row, a kind of meditation. Preferably someplace in nature.

    I believe there are also organisations or individuals offering so-called retreats where you for example go to stay at an old monastery or way out in the woods for a few days, disconnecting all electronics, and in some cases spending many hours a day in silence.

    If such things have just a little appeal to you, I sense they would be worth trying. It will allow your intuition and your connection to Whatever Is Higher to be more open, and you might find that you wake up one morning, perhaps not with all the answers, but some really deep feelings of where to go and what to do in your current situation.

    Right now there is a lot of noise both from the daily grind, your private and professional schedule and, of course, all the interaction with the the health system. Meditation alleviates some of that but you have to look at the percentage of time with ‘noise’ vs. ‘silence’ to truly appreciate that if you really want to hear your body (and/or spirit) then it could be relevant to seek out some longer periods with less distraction, preferably none at all. Maybe like that weekend you wrote about in mid-Feb, but alone. Just some thoughts …

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    1. I’ve been thinking a lot about your comment and researching some local retreat-type options. I’ve taken part in similar events in the past and they truly are life-changing, if simply by way of forcing you to slow down, disengage from the daily grind and listen to your soul. I’ve yet to track down one that feels right, but in the meantime I’ve bumped up my time spent in meditation, nature and with myself (journaling, observing nature, etc.)… fully agree that a big dose of silence and solitude are likely the best prescription for me right now.

      As always, thank you for you keen insights and ideas. I appreciate them more than I could ever express. ❤

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      1. Thanks 🙂 And do feel free to leave the blog, if you can, for a while and seek your silence in private. When you come back you may, or may not, have something to tell. But either way you will have won, I believe.

        Have I mentioned to you the work of Irish poet-philosopher, John O’Donohue? If you feel for it, do look him up – especially his book “Anam Cara”. There is a lot of healing in that book when a part of your reality has broken down, in this case your body (in my case it was the mind, way back when). It is likely one of the most beautiful books ever written and is a perfect companion to do mini-retreats during the day and say, contemplate, a passage from the book and sipping a cup of tea. Obviously, I don’t know if you will feel a connection to it; for it is as difficult to share taste in books as in music. But my sense is that it might be something for you. In any case, good luck – as always.

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      2. I’m sure I’ll discover what will work best for me, but I know that expressing worries about things beyond my control is keeping me trapped in a loop of negativity. My body isn’t going to heal unless I let myself out of the cage and start changing my reality in ways the doctors can’t.

        I don’t believe you’ve mentioned O’Donohue before, but I have his Four Elements on my bookshelf and revisit it often. There is something so ethereal and freeing in his writing style. I purge my book collection often and it’s one of the few that has repeatedly made the cut across for a full decade. Perhaps this is a sign that it’s time to pick it up again, and if it doesn’t resonate, I’ll pick up Anam Cara. Thank you much for the recommendation! 🙂

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      3. I read your post the other day about focusing now on feeling whole, while not denying reality, of course. But I agree wholeheartedly that what will make you better is not more rumination or blog posts about medications and exotic infections. It has worked for me and for many others. Sometimes you can have a need for sharing, sure, and as I said – reality is there, and you can’t meditate all the dysfunctions out of your body, at least not that I know of. But some you might be able to. And your general experience of life will definitely improve.

        “Anam Cara” is John’s best book IMHO and I have read them all. You should definitely have a look at it. When I was in hospital it was key in helping me to focus on the world beyond my own ills and get connected again to that world.

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