Through a New Set of Eyes

Have you seen those videos of toddlers receiving their first tiny pair of glasses or paraplegic dog receiving a set of wheels? The pure joy and enthusiasm is tangible as these previously-hindered individuals are given a new lease on life.

Today marks day ten of Low-dose Naltrexone (LDN). After five days at 1.5mg followed by five days at 3mg, I somehow keep feeling better and better. I’m bumping my dosage up to 4.5mg tonight and will remain at that level indefinitely.

In just over one week, my life has been completely transformed. I feel amazing! No more headaches, brain fog, hanger, shin splints, fatigue or muscle weakness. I feel like a super-human, or as if I’ve been resurrected from the dead.

My boyfriend is now calling me the Energizer Bunny because I’m awake for a full sixteen hours per day and spend every waking moment racing around cleaning, cooking, gardening and insisting on yet another five-mile walk. I’m blasting through projects at work, feeling more sociable and–for the first time–able to use my standing desk without my legs tiring. When we visited my parents over the weekend, they were stunned that the color had returned to my face and that I had energy to help with their garden. When we met my in-laws for lunch, they noted that I seemed more jovial and engaged than they had ever seen me.

My boyfriend just made an appointment with my Integrative Physician to discuss whether LDN could be a solution to his chronic pain and chronic fatigue. I hope sure hope so! I have already penciled in lots of catching up on my agenda and he’s going to be in for a wild ride if he can’t keep up!

While I fully acknowledge that this treatment is merely what a bandage is to a hemorrhage, it still feels like some kind of miracle. It’s as if my body and mind went through a hard reboot and were restored to factory default. Everything seems to be working so much more efficiently.

As the miracle pill creates a temporary blockage of my body’s opioid system, my body-mind system boosts its own natural opioid production and sensitivity. As my body is given the tools to naturally modulate inflammation, it can better process and utilize the nutrients necessary for healing.

I keep breaking down crying. When my boyfriend asks what’s wrong, I shake my head slowly. “Nothing. I just… feel alive.” Over the last four years, I think I forgot the sensation of feeling healthy. I’ve been on auto-pilot, repeating the same habitual routines in order to conserve my limited energy. Even when I was in the depths of strict nutrition plans and intense fitness training, every moment was a struggle. I showed up and did the work, but it was so incredibly hard. I’m now realizing that how my body felt was perhaps more reflective of my fitness level than any gains made at the gym. After months and months of hearing, “You look healthy” and “You’re fine,” I accepted the daily struggle as my new normal and kept on pushing… until my body flat-out refused.

At least a dozen times per day over these last ten days, I’ve found myself repeating the words “thank you” over and over again, to no one in particular. I can’t wrap my head around how incredible I feel nor how some minuscule dose of a special chemical could lead to such dramatic results. And, for the moment, I’m not going to worry about the mechanism, but instead simply celebrate the feeling. Like a vision-impaired child receiving her first pair of glasses, I’m going to revel in the experience of seeing the world through this new set of eyes.

2 thoughts on “Through a New Set of Eyes

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  1. This reminds me of how AMAZING I felt about a week after each chemo session, when the side effects wore off. Feeling well can easily be taken for granted, so I definitely resonate with your gratitude and emotion by just simply “feeling good”!

    So so happy to hear these updates — can’t wait to read more about your progress!

    Liked by 2 people

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